In thinking about what it's like to live in China, one cannot disregard the influence that relationships will have on your stay there. The better you are at making and keeping friends, the more enjoyable your stay will be. While this may seem simple if you have already achieved some measure of success in relationships in your current culture, it does not necessarily translate to success in Chinese culture.
So, asking yourself, "How can I make friends in China?" is not such a bad idea. Looking at several important principles will hopefully help you avoid some of the major faux pas. Some of these principles will be common knowledge and very consistent with your present culture, while others may be dramatically different. Keeping these guidelines in mind will help you to build relationships more effectively.
How Do I Get Started?
Some of the basic principles that seem to be cross cultural include, being friendly, exploring what the other person enjoys, and investing time and effort into the relationship. First, going out of your way to smile or initiate an introduction or conversation are a great way to demonstrate friendliness. Then, keeping the conversation focused on the other person and asking questions that enable them to share their life story are essential. Finally, designating time and energy to meet with the person again or to send a note or token of appreciation will show your investment and desire that the relationship continue.
How to Train Your Ear
Several elements of Chinese culture are at first hidden from the average observer. As you continue to make more friends, however, you will become more aware that things are not what they first appear to be. You will find that emotions are not easily communicated (and are often hidden). Thus, you must watch another's actions to see what is important to them, rather than listening merely to the words they say.
How do you go about doing that? Noticing what someone spends their time and energy on is key to determining what's valuable to them. Next, you'll also find that whatever someone worries about in Chinese culture also holds much value.
If you ask direct questions, expect that the subject will be changed or that you may receive an answer that is untruthful. Keeping the peace is far more important, and many in Chinese culture attempt to do so by being indirect. By using a mask of hiding their own thoughts and desires, they have the opportunity to bring peace or please others. This is a highly valued trait.
Finally, since words are often obscured in general terms, you will need to determine the underlying meaning. Although this feels like you must constantly read between the lines, it will be good for developing your skills of perception. In Chinese culture, the listener has the responsibility to understand the communication, rather than the speaker communicating with clarity.
How to Identify Underlying Motivations
Over time, you will discover that most actions have underlying motivations that are not easily apparent at first. Yet, just because the motivation is hidden does not mean that it is intended to cause harm. The sooner you can ascertain why someone is behaving in a certain way, the easier it will be to continue on in the relationship.
So, asking yourself, "How can I make friends in China?" is not such a bad idea. Looking at several important principles will hopefully help you avoid some of the major faux pas. Some of these principles will be common knowledge and very consistent with your present culture, while others may be dramatically different. Keeping these guidelines in mind will help you to build relationships more effectively.
How Do I Get Started?
Some of the basic principles that seem to be cross cultural include, being friendly, exploring what the other person enjoys, and investing time and effort into the relationship. First, going out of your way to smile or initiate an introduction or conversation are a great way to demonstrate friendliness. Then, keeping the conversation focused on the other person and asking questions that enable them to share their life story are essential. Finally, designating time and energy to meet with the person again or to send a note or token of appreciation will show your investment and desire that the relationship continue.
How to Train Your Ear
Several elements of Chinese culture are at first hidden from the average observer. As you continue to make more friends, however, you will become more aware that things are not what they first appear to be. You will find that emotions are not easily communicated (and are often hidden). Thus, you must watch another's actions to see what is important to them, rather than listening merely to the words they say.
How do you go about doing that? Noticing what someone spends their time and energy on is key to determining what's valuable to them. Next, you'll also find that whatever someone worries about in Chinese culture also holds much value.
If you ask direct questions, expect that the subject will be changed or that you may receive an answer that is untruthful. Keeping the peace is far more important, and many in Chinese culture attempt to do so by being indirect. By using a mask of hiding their own thoughts and desires, they have the opportunity to bring peace or please others. This is a highly valued trait.
Finally, since words are often obscured in general terms, you will need to determine the underlying meaning. Although this feels like you must constantly read between the lines, it will be good for developing your skills of perception. In Chinese culture, the listener has the responsibility to understand the communication, rather than the speaker communicating with clarity.
How to Identify Underlying Motivations
Over time, you will discover that most actions have underlying motivations that are not easily apparent at first. Yet, just because the motivation is hidden does not mean that it is intended to cause harm. The sooner you can ascertain why someone is behaving in a certain way, the easier it will be to continue on in the relationship.
About the Author:
Hope that you have learned a lot about Chinese culture and will continue doing so. Stop by my blog to see more about culture, characters, and the language itself.
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